Top Ten Ways
To Avoid Illness while Riding NYC Public Transit
1. Purchase a Hazmat suit. Paint it to look like it isn't a Hazmat suit, as the NYC police might find you a little suspicious wearing a Hazmat suit on the subway. Paint your Hazmat suit to look like a nice Italian three piece, wear at all times when riding transit.
2. Avoid licking the hand rails. Seriously people, those are dirty. Do you know how many thousands of people ride the subway everyday?
3. Listen before you sit down. Hear any hacking coughs, snuffly noses or loud sneezers? Don't sit next to those people, they want to share their virus with you.
4. Don't ride NYC public transit. Walking is good for you, especially if you have to go fifty blocks and it's below freezing. Think of how many calories you're burning!
5. Invest in face masks. If anyone looks at you strange, just start speaking Japanese. They'll realize you are from Japan, where face masks are totally normal.
6. Don't touch anything! Don't even lean against the wall. Just stand in the middle of the train car and maintain perfect balance until your stop. This is especially easy when you are riding with a friend. Let them hold the bar, you just grab tight!
7. Keep your gloves on. Make sure they are those big fuzzy ones. You'll be less likely to itch your eyeball while wearing big fuzzy gloves. Think muppet-like.
8. Get a train car all to yourself. I've seen this technique done only once. I'm going to warn you, it involves not showering for a long, long time. Maybe this should be a "last resort" kind of suggestion.
9. Bring your own air supply. This will most likely take the form of a scuba diving system. Wearing a wetsuit is just optional, a fabulous option!
10. Get a flu shot. Don't tell anyone you got a flu shot as they will inevitably try to punch you in the arm.
If only I had this all figured out two weeks ago, when I contracted some form of NYC cold virus. If I was going to be sick, I wasn't going to do it by myself. I managed to get BF sick too! The Wilde kitchen has been quiet and the Wilde household got extremely dirty. Nobody wants to do laundry/dishes/pick up anything while sick, right?
